Congregated here are quotes found through an extensive research process outlined as follows. Throughout any regular day, while browsing the internet for whatever reason, one may stumble upon a good quote and say "wow, that's profound." Those I find worthwhile or funny are posted here.


Albert Einstein

Occurrences in this domain are beyond the reach of exact prediction because of the variety of factors in operation, not because of any lack of order in nature.


James Russell Lowell

Fate loves the fearless.


Leviticus 17:11

For the life of the flesh is in the blood: and I have given it to you upon the altar to make an atonement for your souls: for it is the blood that maketh an atonement for the soul.


Richard Nixon

Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.



I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Charles Schulz

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.


Robert Frost

All poetry is a reproduction of the tones of actual speech.


Psalm 35:17

O Lord, how long will you look on?
Rescue my life from their ravages,
my precious life from these lions.


Rod Serling

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.


If you don't enjoy what you have, how could you be happier with more?

Albert Einstein

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.


Ernest Hemingway

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure that it will kill you too, but there will be no special hurry.

Homer, The Odyssey

Even his griefs are a joy long after to one that remembers all that he wrought and endured.

Christopher Morley

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life your own way.

Steven Wright

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world. Perhaps you've seen it.


It's not who you know, it's whom you know.


Danny Thomas

All of us are born with a reason, but all of us don't discover why. Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It's what you do for others.


Ralph Waldo Emerson

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.


Abraham Lincoln

I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country ... corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed.


William Feather

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.


Evan Esar (1899-1995), American Humorist

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.



There are some operating systmes that you don't need money to buy. For everyone else, there's Windows


Rita Rudner

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.



Eeyore's Gloomy Little Instruction BookRemember, nobody minds, nobody cares...

Stephen Hawking

I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.

John Kenneth Galbraith

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.


Abraham Maslow

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.


Dorothy L. Sayers

A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought.


Cardinal Ximinez of Spain

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear ...fear and surprise... Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency... Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... Our four... no... Amongst our weapons... Amongst our weaponry... are such elements as fear, surprise... I'll come in again.

Dennis Miller

Bill Gates is a monocle and a Persian cat away from being the villain in a James Bond movie.


1 Corinthians 13:1-5

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Alphonse de Lamartine

To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic.


Benjamin Franklin (1706-90)

Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.


Oscar Wilde

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

Bill Cosby

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.


James A. Arconati

If I can't have private domain registration, the terrorists win...


Jeremy Zhang

Life is about choices. You make a lot of choices and then you die.


Groucho Marx

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.


Nikomas Perez

Nyquil: the night time, sneezing, coughing, why-in-the-heck-am-I-hallucinating medicine.


If I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself.

"Ballance's Law"

How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.


Kelvin Throop III

Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?


John Ruskin

There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man's lawful prey.


Homer Simpson

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.


Jeremy Zhang

Life is a bitch, then it has puppies


Brad Vonder Haar

I highly recommend you divert your eyes if you should happen to see me outside… the glare of the sun off of my pale skin has resulted in at least 7 known cases of temporary blindness



To Venture is to risk one's life. Not to venture is to lose one's life.


George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.


Bill McClellan, Columnist for St. Louis Post-Dispatch

I admire restraint the same way I admire moderation. Secondhand and at a distance.


Martin Mull

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.


Yogi Berra

You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours.


Blade Runner (1982)

It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does?


Thomas Jefferson

I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.


Steven Wright

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.



Each one of us is setting an example for some one else, and each one of us has a responsibility to shape the future as we wish it to be.

Jess Phd Lair

Don't know where I'm going.. but I'm sure not lost.

Claude T. Bissell

Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible.

Norman Vaughan

Dream big and dare to fail.


We're here for a good time, not a long time.

Theodore Roosevelt

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered with failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in that gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.


A consultant is a man who knows how to make love in 200 ways. But he doesn't know any women.

Vernon Law (Pitcher)

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives you the test first, the lesson afterward.

J. R. R. Tolkien

Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.


Marcus Aurelius

A man's worth is no greater than his ambitions.

Mother Teresa

We can do no great things, only small things with great love.


Coach Buddy Ryan, Philadelphia Eagles

If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.



Perception is 90% Reality.


Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.


Theodore Levitt

If you don't know where you're going, any path will take you there.

George Burns

If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.

H.L. Mencken

Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.

Thomas Jefferson

In matters of principle, stand like a rock. In matters of taste, swim with the current.

Paul Harvey

In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.


William G. McAdoo

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in an argument.

Margaret Bonnano

It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.


Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.



Kindness in words creates confidence,
kindness in thinking creates profoundness,
kindness in giving creates love.

Samuel Butler

Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.


Tom Lehrer

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

Kwip @ NeenerNeener.Net

When Luke Skywalker blew up the Death Star, he wasn’t cheering because he had done some good deed. He was cheering for all the xp he got.


Holbrook Jackson

Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.


Louise Bogan

Life is to be enjoyed and if it is not, it makes people ill in one way or another.


Pete Hopkins @ Blogger

There once was a router so crappy
That it made all the Bloggers unhappy
It caused pagers to be beep
And kept us from sleep
So we smashed it on the ground with golf clubs and threw paving stones at it and kicked it and someone filmed part of it but that’s not up yet and then we dropped it off a dumpster and kicked it again and gathered up the parts and sent them to be recycled quite snappy

Malcolm Forbes

Men who never get carried away should be.

George Gobel

I've never been drunk, but often I've been over-served.


The Cheshire Cat, American Mcgee's Alice

Only the savage regard the endurance of pain as the measure of worth.

John Updike

Dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.


Susan Ertz

Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

"Bucy's Law"

Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.

Larry Gelbart

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.


Brandon Boyd "Here In My Room"

This party is old and uninviting, participants all in black and white, you enter in full blown Technicolor.


The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

NarniaLogic? What are they teaching in schools these days?


Soothsayer - Julius Caesar (I, ii, 33)

Beware the ides of March

Jeremy Zhang

Sharing is not caring. Sharing is Communism.

Chinese Proverb

Falling hurts least those who fly low.

S. Harper

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.


Douglas Adams

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.


Barenaked Ladies "Falling For The First Time"

I'm so sane, it's driving me crazy!

Toad The Wet Sprocket "Pray Your Gods"

I fear my time is short. There are armies moving close. Be quick, my love...

Josh Billings

One of the greatest victories you can gain over a man is to beat him at politeness.


Sir Thomas Beecham

Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away.


Ronald Reagan

Politics I suppose to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.


Highlander (1986)

There can be only one.

Douglas Adams

Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much --the wheel, New York, wars and so on-- whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely the dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than man for precisely the same reasons.

"Hlade's Law"

If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man. He will find an easier way to do it.


Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.


Will Durant

One of the lessons of history is that 'nothing' is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

Don Marquis

Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.


J.D. Pohlman

Idle since <%= DateAdd("n",-5,Now()) %>

Derek Zoolander

I'm not an ambiturner ... I can't turn left.

Colin Powell

We have gone forth from our shores repeatedly over the last hundred years and we’ve done this as recently as the last year in Afghanistan and put wonderful young men and women at risk, many of whom have lost their lives, and we have asked for nothing except enough ground to bury them in.


Herbert Hoover

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.



A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others.


Captain Oveur - Airplane! (1980)

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Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

Toni Phillips

Destiny leads us to the choices we make in life, from there fate is in our own hands.


Albert Einstein

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.


Spalding Gray

Psychotherapy is the transformation of hysterical misery into common unhappiness.


"Segal's Law"

A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.


Sam Winchester (Jared Padalecki from WB's Supernatural)

Just an interesting observation ... in an observationally interesting kind of way.

"The Cardinal Conundrum"

An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.

David Lloyd George

The most dangerous thing in the world is to leap a chasm in two steps.


G.K. Chesterton

The real great man is the one who makes every man feel great.

Ivy Baker Priest

The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning.

Mark Twain

There are several good protections against temptations but the surest is cowardice.


Father Righi

If [the atheist] does not see the sun in the sky at midday, he cannot sue me because I see it and he does not.


Walter Bagehot

The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Pablo Picasso

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once one grows up.


Michael Pritchard

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

I John 4:11

Since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.


Twelfth Night ‡ Act 2, scene 5

Some are born great, some achieve greatness,
and some have greatness thrust upon 'em.

A Midsummer Night's Dream ‡ Act 1, scene 1

Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind;
And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind.

Cymbeline ‡ Act 4, scene 2

Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.

Julius Caesar ‡ Act 1, scene 2

Beware the ides of March.

Julius Caesar ‡ Act 3, scene 1

But I am constant as the northern star,
Of whose true-fix'd and resting quality
There is no fellow in the firmament.

Othello ‡ Act 3, scene 3

I swear 'tis better to be much abus'd
Than but to know't a little.

Hamlet ‡ Act 2, scene 2

Brevity is the soul of wit.

Richard III ‡ Act 5, scene 4

A horse, a horse! my kingdom for a horse!


I'll have her.
But I'll not keep her long.

Richard III

O, I have passed a miserable night,
So full of ugly sights, of ghastly dreams,
That, as I am a Christian faithful man,
I would not spend another such a night,
Though 't were to buy a world of happy days.


Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.


Oh thou invisible spirit of wine.
If thou hadst no name to be known by,
let us call thee devil.


False faces must hide what false hearts doth know.



Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Bertrand Russell

To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.

Sir Arthur Aelps

Wise sayings sometimes fall on barren ground; but a kind word is never thrown away.

W.R. Inge

Worry is interest paid on trouble before it falls due.


Rich Cook

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.



Don't shoot the messenger.


Chris Stoddard

Why would someone quote himself?

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